Her Amazing Magical Coat of Utter Invisibility

I see you. And I see how I don’t see you too. I see how sometimes it feels like nobody seems to see you at all. And I know what it’s like to be made to feel invisible. Like nothing you do matters. Like you don’t matter

I know what it’s like to be made to feel worthless and small. Or worse. Like it’s all your fault. Like you’re to blame. Like it was you who did something wrong.

And I see how every door you need to get through always seems to be closed against you. And I see how it feels like you have to kick every last one off its bloody hinges to get through. And I see how it always feels like you have to do it all on your own.

And I know how sorry doesn’t change a single thing. There’s just door after door that needs kicking off its fucking hinges.

I know. I see you. And I see how I don’t see you too.

 

Whisper Whippoorwill

 

Wellness Within

A nasty monster went and stuffed me in a sack and heartlessly threw me down a deep dark abandoned well and left me to rot but I wasn’t going to let that be the end of me. I learnt to live down there in the murk and the gloom, I learnt to be happy down there. I learnt how to laugh and smile and even dance and sing and dream of falling in love down there. No. I wasn’t going to let that nasty monster put an end to me.

I didn’t mind it down in the well, not really. Not that I had much of a choice, it was a deep dark well for goodness sake. It was either learn to like it or just sit there like a misery, and who wants to sit around being gloomy all day. Not me. I could see the daylight high above from the bottom of my well, and I could see the pretty stars at night and sometimes planets too. And the lovely sun and the gorgeous moon would smile down on me and I’d always smile back and bid a fond good day or good evening, depending on the time of day.

And I could hear the birds from the bottom of my well as well, and people would sometimes come and wave hello and call down to me. That was always nice. They’d try to make friends with me and I’d try very hard to be friends too, but it’s hard for people to be friends with a freak who lives at the bottom of a well. And all the creepy crawly wriggly slimy things that lived there too couldn’t teach me much about socialization. All they really understood was squirming in the ooze, they were very good at that.

But then one day, everything changed. Fate smiled on me and I suppose destiny calculated I was due a little good news. Someone very special came to visit me at the well. We made fast friends and she came to visit me nearly every day. She’d drop presents down to me and throw me treats. We had a very nice time together, although we certainly had our disagreements too. And ever so slowly, day by day and month by month and year by year, as we fell deeper and deeper in love, the water level rose.

Until finally, there we were at last, face to face. And me, free to climb out of my well. Of course, it took an awful lot of hot water and soap and a good going over with the pumice stone to tidy me up again, after so very long at the bottom of my well. But soon, I was as bright as a new pin, and me and my special one who helped raise me up were free to dance and sing and laugh and cry together as one. Standing shoulder to shoulder or fighting back to back when we had too, but always as one.

And the only gloomy cloud marring the rainbow spectacle of my happy fate, was that although I was free of the well, the depth of its darkness lingered in me still. Perhaps I’d learnt to love my well too well. The loneliness and heartbreak of that place haunts me yet. Perhaps I let the well become too much a part of me, and me too much a part of the well. Who can tell. It doesn’t really matter, because the happily ever after ending is, I and my special someone have both learnt to love that too.